Dating for 10 years before marriage
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It has given me some clarity and some closure. Learn your lesson from these gals.
As it was, you drifted along not rocking the boat, and now you realize you're way the hell downstream from where you wanted to be. One thing that is freaking me out at the moment is when I hear of friend and friends of friends, who marry after being together for years, but end up divorced after the first year or so. Thanks for the great site! For many many reasons we waited a long time to finally tie the knot- one of which being I wanted to finish all my education before we started our life together which involved moving halfway across the world and wouldnt be fair to him to leave the job he loved.
She's had "getting married" in her head for five or eight years in the case of my friends, often since she was 18 or 19 and then suddenly, having followed through, realizes that nothing is "fixed," nothing is "different," and suddenly she has nothing to plan to.
I was a ton of fun at bridal showers, let me tell you. It seems that there is always something that deviates his focus from moving forward.
The marriage lasted just around 2 years and part of that was because he joined the military and I guess they had to stay married while he was in A school part of it was that she wanted GI money to go to school too.
On the contrary, it encouraged it. What held us back? I found a list of things to discuss, before you get married, on the internet. I sure hope we make it. So to get back to the original subject at hand, yes, I could have waited too long without getting married; it was risky to give my fiance four years of my life if, at the end, he wasn't going to commit to me like I was ready to commit to him. Can you handle that pain, day after day, for years?
So how long is too long?
But I definitely agree that this might be the case for a lot of people and talking a lot prior to the wedding is important and something I've done a lot this time. SO ball rolling, plans in motion, I think her would have married me at any dating for 10 years before marriage, but it was me that wanted to wait, and I really hate the fact everyone assumes it him, finally making a 'honest woman out of me' what crap.
Make sure you're familiar with our no-drama comment policy. I am totally a mish-mash of tradition and modernism or should I say post-modernism?
Obviously, I'm not saying that's the case for all long-term couples. I think I should amend what I said about the whole knowing within the first year… this doesn't mean I advocate getting married right away for all couples lol! It was useful for us to learn about expectations and gave us exercises for practicing better communication before a problem arises.
At the same time, I think I will 'propose' to have a long talk with him someday soon about our future expectations, as things are still up in the air career-wise for us, but for me especially, a disillusioned grad student!
Because I might have just given women stuck in dead end relationships which will never lead to marriage the false hope that they too will be one of those success stories, and the motivation or excuse to hang in their for another couple of years or more.
Sometimes you just know, and sometimes it's better to wait a bit to get married. I absolutely have to agree that expectations are a huge part of the way a relationship changes after marriage. For offbeat het couples, I think the most common troublesome expectations are issues of "normative" roles.
So I think the problem is that the "everything changes" dating for 10 years before marriage is based off of the way many marriages used to work. You can share your thoughts in the comments section below. Not then, and maybe not ever. To get answers to your specific questions or scenarios, click here.
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We began our relationship at a rocky time in our lives, when we both had just graduated college and the economy was horrendous. We'll I've been married 27 days and counting, and I have not yet figured out what they are talking about hubby is mystified too. Like being a sphincter flambe and having a drug problem.
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